One year ago

So it has been a year since this all started. We threw Klaus a surprise party to celebrate his anniversary, but I prefer to let my own 'cancer' anniversary go by without much acknowledgement. Im glad to feel back to normal, although it really is a 'new' normal, as they say in cancer-speak. Im not completely healthy; i feel weak at times, like i need immediate sleep, and im still sort of unstable emotionally. Its like i cant control how i will feel and times when my emotions take me on a ride its really hard to get back to calm. Im also still having trouble breathing when im working out. This has been complicated recently by a particularly hideous cold ive had this past week. Im still taking a laxative (ew!) but im off all my other medications. what else... oh my hand numbness seems to be working itself out, but i still wake up sometimes with numb extremities. also, and this is weird, sometimes my right forefinger gets really cold and turns white. wouldnt it be awful if it fell off? yes, it would.

as for work, ive completely submersed myself and am excited to announce that ive officially set my thesis defense date for april 16th. afterwards im going to go see david sedaris perform at the overture center here in madison. david accompanied me through my treatments and i appreciated his wry, self-deprecating humor as i very much took the same tone with my own misfortunes. anyway, im all-too excited to see him and get my thesis done.

the weird thing about having cancer and then not is that a lot of people that have since come into my life dont know about it. and its not something that 'comes up' in conversation, you know? i feel incredibly awkward when it does drop into the convo because it feels to me like im boasting, or trying to get attention or something. but im totally not. it was/is such a big part of my reality that to not casually throw it in there feels weird. this adds to the trend of becoming increasingly socially awkward as i come into my academic self. overly aware and overly critical are not socially lubricating qualities. add to that a health problem and you've got yourself a girl to avoid at parties.

im looking forward to spring and summer, as i was brutally robbed of them last year. klaus and i plan on camping a lot in wisconsin and in generally trying to get out and see some of the midwest. there has been talk of klaus getting (back) into sailing, although i think ill stay on dry land. there are some shows coming up that we are excited about (arcade fire in chicago, anyone?). i will be finishing up my classes for the semester and then studying for a prelim exam (we have to take two before we can be considered 'dissertators', for those of you who dont know). im taking mine first in education. so the work ahead is plentiful!

I think its time to put the blog to rest, and it seems appropriate to do so at the year mark of the beginning of treatment. I plan on continuing to share my photos with the world through a flickr account, but if you want to know where to find my pictures you are going to have to email me=) Andrew suggested that i start another blog, but im not sure what i would blog about, if not about cancer. my experience as a grad student is not all that riveting, although there are some blogs out there by sociologists that are great (JF, jude, etc). for now, im going to fade back into the real world, but you can always email, phone, myspace, or twitter me!

so, photos of the surprise party for klaus to follow. its been great! thanks for reading.

update soon!

Check back in a couple of days for an update, mayyybe the LAST ONE!

Pictures from last night part-ay.

Rachel and I at SevenTen in Chicago! Lovely dinner, thanks Rachel!

Happy Unbirthday to Kia! She was celebrating her birthday for more than a month this year. How does she do that??

End of Month Post for January

January is coming to a close. I can't believe how fast time is flying by now. This month has been great! I was able to get some serious work done on my thesis, which I am now planning on defending at the end of March. I started classes for the semester this past week. It's very cold outside, but still warmer than it should be. I figure God is giving me a break after all that has gone on in the past year. Thanks God.

I have various pictures from through out the month including pictures from Kia's unbirthday party, a trip to chicago, and this weekend's soxy party a la casa de Amy y Brent. Fun was had by all!

Im throwing around the idea of getting rid of the blog in March. March marks the year anniversary of starting the blog, so it fits nicely as an end date. If I do stop blogging, I may get a flickr account to continue to share pictures with you guys. See the flickr account would give you access to more pictures (I only post the ones that I look the best in on the blog, as you know). But I wouldnt write anything. You may have to actually start calling or emailing me to get the scoop, although I dont know how much scoopy information I actually post on the blog. Anyway, Im kicking the idea around. If you have an opinion, do say so.

This next month should be great as well. Next week Jenn, Adam, Klaus and I are going to dinner at a fancy French restaurant here in Madison. It's restaurant week here, so we are getting a three course meal for 25 bucks. what a deal! Superbowl is next weekend, which doesnt excite me personally, but others seem to be excited, so im excited by proxy. It turns out that this is not the last football game of the season... there is still the ProBowl, which is torture in my mind. To each their own, eh? Other than that, I believe I will mostly be working and trying to get back to pre-treatment levels of fitness.

One more thing before I leave you for another month. My dear friend Shelley has been diligently working on a website that focuses on killing cancer in the state of Texas (and presumably beyond). The site aims to garner support to make cancer research a priority in Texas government. According to the site, only 10% of cancer research is funded! In any case, it is a good cause. But even more it is a FINE website. Check it out! http://www.killcancer.org

Ok my friends, I hope everyone is well and happy. I miss those I havent talked to in a while, so dont hesitate to email me or call if you feel the want. I also miss people I talk to everyday, so you guys should also email me. k?

Enjoy the photos when I get them posted!!

newer hair picture as promised... 

 

This is Seemay! 

In the beginning of the month i visited Brenda and Seemay in San Francisco. This is Brenda.  

Jenn had her 25th birthday! We celebrated with brunch, which Adam graciously made for us. Thanks Adam! 

Jenn and I met up with Rachel in mid-December to go to the German Christmas Market in downtown Chicago!  

Carin and Alex! Newly married, but as cheesy as always.  

Theresa and Klaus at Christmas. Too sweet! 

Breakfast with Kristin at Kerbey Lane in Austin. mmmm paris texas platter.... 

Klaus, me and Tabitha Jane... The newest addition to the Beck family. Cute, huh? I like to pretend she is mine. 

Wagner family Christmas! 

December update (in January)

I got my charger back! hooray!

This past month has been great! Remission has been good to me. I finished my classes and traveled a lot. I went to San Francisco for a weekend in early December, and to Chicago to see Rachel for the Christmas Market, and then to Texas for the holidays! It was a fun month, but now I need to relax and work on finishing my thesis. Klaus is going to Mexico for a week of paragliding fun, and I am going to lock myself in my office for the week.

The hair is much longer than in these pictures. It has grown so fast since Christmas. I will have Klaus take a picture of it soon and will post a better hair update. As for my health, some weird things are going on... I have been feeling tired and my chest is more wheezy than before. I had an appointment last monday with my oncologist, who didnt seem concerned. We have another appointment in March and he suggested that we wait until then to see how the symptoms progress. My nails are really brittle and I have gained weight. Too bad I got rid of all my pants during chemo and bought all new skinny pants. I was so excited to be a smaller size that I didnt really think about what I would do when I inevitably gained the weight back after treatment. Silly me.

Well, I hope everyone had a GREAT holiday season! Congratulations to Dana and Dan, and to Allison and Chris on their engagements! And congratulations to Eston and Jenny on their marriage! Im so excited for you guys.

See you soon!

camera battery charger

lost it. ordered new one. until then... you must wait.

look for an update soon!

tonight klaus and i got back from our trip to texas. i am excited about uploading pictures from our trip and letting you all know how things have been going! happy 2007 everyone! check back soon.

me and katie after eating thanksgiving dinner at katie's aunt's house. these are pictures sent to me from mary... 

mary and katie  

katie, klaus and nob at thanksgiving!! 

nob playing with his camera, klaus rubbing my hair 

watching thanksgiving football... 

3 month post-treatment scans

Hi all! I had a CT scan yesterday and got my results today. I am NED (no evidence of disease)! which is GREAT, and means im still in remission. i will have scans every three months for the first year i am out of treatment, and then six months for the second year. yearly after that. lets all hope i continue to get clean results...

officially:

IMPRESSION:
1. Stable examination when compared to the prior study of 8/23/2006
2. No definite evidence of residual cervical adenopathy and no change
since the last examination.

my radiotherapist told me i have some inflammation my lungs. its either from the bleomycin drug (the B of ABVD) or radiation. she called this ground-glass opacity. some people develop pneumonia from this, but most dont. so basically i have to wait to see what the fluid chooses to do: flare up and give me a fever and cough, or resolve in and of itself. here is some information about that from the mayo clinic's website.

Ground-Glass Opacity

Ground-glass opacity refers to a hazy increase in lung attenuation through which pulmonary vessels may still be seen. Ground-glass opacity may be caused by a partial filling of the alveolar spaces or thickening of the interstitium. Differential diagnosis of ground-glass opacities includes infections, pulmonary edema, hypersensitivity pneumonitis, acute inhalational injuries, drug-induced lung diseases, nonspecific interstitial pneumonia, respiratory bronchiolitis–associated ILD, desquamative interstitial pneumonia (DIP), acute interstitial pneumonia, and pulmonary alveolar proteinosis.

So there you have it. so far so good! no cancer. its all i hope for.

Another good hair picture. lets see... three months out of chemo, two out of radiation. This is Klaus and i at the krebsbach house. i will post more (better) thanksgiving pictures when i get copies from mary.  

Jumping around in Brooklyn